concerned black couple sitting on bed in misunderstanding

Ending a relationship is hard. For some people, a split or a complete divorce is something that can catch them unawares entirely. For others, they see it coming for a long time before it actually sets in. Splitting with somebody who you’ve loved for a long time can take a toll on you, and there are some battles to be had during this time. 

Everybody wants an amicable split, but when you bring things like child custody or maintenance into the equation, this is where things become messy. Emotions are involved in divorce and in relationship breakdowns, so it’s very difficult to keep that pain out of the courtroom. Splitting amicably, and becoming friends again is not easy, but there are things that you could do to help you to divorce amicably and step into your new lives as separate people who will parent and work together for the next few years. Here are some of the things that you can do to make sure that this split works.

Image source: Pexels

  • Look ahead into your future. If your partner isn’t behaving the way that you imagine they should during your relationship, you have to look at ways that you can make this easier. The memories that you have have been in your past and it’s over. If you need to move forward you need to keep looking at the future and not look back at the behavior that was going on during your marriage. They are not always going to be easy to live with or deal with, even when you’re living apart, but becoming better and wallowing in the past can create negative emotions and keeps you stuck in this mindset of being a victim and that’s not healthy for anybody. If you want this split to work, you have to look forward and not back.
  • Avoid negative language. This is often difficult in situations where adultery has been the cause of the breakdown, but if you’re trying to have an amicable divorce you shouldn’t talk negatively about your ex partner ever. You both went through a big deal, and you both have a lot of pain involved in the situation even if you were the wrong party. You need to look ahead like we said in the previous points and only think positively especially when children are involved. Children will hear negative language about their other parents and they will keep that information and put it on themselves – after all they are 50% of that person you now hate. Leave hate out of the equation.
  • Forgive yourself. You don’t have to forgive your person for hurting your feelings. You can if you want to but learn to forgive yourself for putting up with any ill behavior is the first step to moving on. Give yourself the time to move forward and allow yourself to feel grace even though you may not feel you deserve it.
  • Get a therapist. If you want to be able to move on from your ex then you need to make sure that you have a therapist to talk to you when things are going badly. Don’t cope alone.

By Erica Buteau

Change Agent. Daydream Believer. Maker. Creative. Likes love, peace and Jeeping. Dislikes winter, paper cuts and war. She/Her/Hers.

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